The Silhouette behind the Instagram profile (3) / Series
Christopher English Tynan
(@ct120)
(@ct120)
By the time Christopher turned sixteen, he had lived in about thirty different places, scattered over the eastern part of America. With a calm but spiteful voice, he tells me about the way in which he and his parents lived. They moved from here to there like nomads and he knew no such thing as a fixed school. ‘It was unbearable. It violently forces you to grow up. I had to learn how to deal with all these people that I met but didn’t actually know. Every time we moved I was to simply accept that I had to leave my best friends or girlfriend behind. I was highly conscious of the whole situation, but started to have these incredibly realistic nightmares about all the places I had lived in. Each place would blend into the next like some monstrosity of the past. And the result was always the same. No one knew who I was. As if I wasn’t even there. I would wake up and lie there for several minutes wondering where I was.’
Muze
Three years ago, Christopher met his Haitian wife, a single mother of four. ‘She showed me a more relaxed outlook to life. And, honestly, she stayed over after two dates and never left again. That’s when I stopped looking backwards. She also convinced me that I should take up photography. I took photographs for work, but never for myself. She made that change. You could say she was my muse. (laughs). |
The mental strain of this lifestyle caused Christopher to resort to various drugs. ‘This only stopped about three years ago. I was using coke, acid, prescribed pills, alcohol, you name it. Marijuana is the only thing I still feel some affinity with. I smoke at least one a day. Weed is the only thing that makes me feel good, mentally and physically.’
Dropped out of school At the age of seventeen he was suspended permanently and decided he was done with the whole moving business. ‘I realized it was time to leave my parents. I wandered like a gutter punk. I’m aware that, in my twenties, I was a pretty worthless and lousy person. I drank lots and was doing cocaine. My friends were growing up and, like always, I stayed behind with the wrong people. Life was one big blur to me. I was a functioning addict. I had several jobs and took computer lessons, but the bubble I was living in didn’t really pop. I was well aware of it and I wasn’t proud.’ For twelve years or so he stayed in the same place, a record. Then he moved south, to Boca Raton. ‘I found a job that involved some degree of responsibility. I became a pawn broker (someone who grants loans to private individuals in exchange for personal properties that are pawned until the loan is reimbursed, tw). I was fascinated and got better at it every day. I’ve been doing it for the past six years.’ |
‘There are three reasons why I mainly use black and white images on Instagram: I want to focus on the whole image, and not be distracted by colors. Secondly, I have always been fascinated by black and white movies. As a child, my favourite film was the original Godzilla. The moment he emerges from under the boat fucking frightened the hell out of me. Those emotions would not be as intense if they were in color. His eyes, the dark water, the approaching danger, the metaphor of “the monster in all of us.” And lastly, the feeling of always getting stuck in some gray area. Some things are irreversible. The nomadic life and my world view have already taught me that.'
'So this is kinda my story, I really don't know what else to say. Ask me anything, and thank you for wanting to know me.'
Meet this man in image via https://www.instagram.com/ct120/.
(tw)
Translation: Janne Van Beek
'So this is kinda my story, I really don't know what else to say. Ask me anything, and thank you for wanting to know me.'
Meet this man in image via https://www.instagram.com/ct120/.
(tw)
Translation: Janne Van Beek